people say ‘I love you’ in a lot of different ways
'get some sleep'
'here have my fries'
'Im gonna draw you something'
'text me when you get home'
"Sherlock is really a girls name"
"Who the hell is Bucky?"
"i miss him"
"Rose Tyler I-"
Tearing yourself apart to put somebody else back together
"If you wrote about me,
what would you say?"
"The thing about an anxiety disorder is that you know it is stupid. You know with all your heart that it wasn’t a big deal and that it should roll off of you. But that is where the disorder kicks in; Suddenly the small thing is very big and it keeps growing in your head, flooding your chest, and trying to escape from under your skin. You know with all of your heart that you’re being ridiculous and you hate every minute of it. The fact that many people don’t recognize or have patience for your illness only makes everything worse."
1.) Don’t throw yourself into a relationship when you’re still recovering from the previous one
2.) Don’t check your phone to see if they texted you because they didn’t.
3.) Don’t beg and plead for people to stay because there’s clearly a reason they are going away.
4.) Don’t call them crying in the middle of the night because you miss them, just because they used to care doesn’t mean they do now.
5.) Don’t stay when you’re unhappy.
6.) Don’t tell them you love them because you’ll regret it every day they cross your mind (this will happen every single day)
7.) Don’t sink to the level of those who are bringing you down
8.) Don’t tell yourself it will be okay if you say sorry
9.) Don’t give them the privilege of your beautiful body because when they leave you will be left feeling bad about it
10.) Don’t fucking ask if they are coming back
11.) Don’t push the sadness away with someone who you don’t actually love because arms wrapped around your waist will not heal your heart
12.) Don’t compare yourself to the someone new because all you’re ever going to be is you (and that is okay)
13.) Don’t depend on other people for things you can do yourself
14.) Sad music and sitting in the dark will not make it better
15.) You will get better even if you’re not there yet at least you know you’re getting there.
"Delete her number.
Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.
Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.
She loves you.
She has been in love with you for too long.
So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.
Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.
Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.
Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.
What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.
Doggedly loyal to you.
That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reachvout to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?
She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.
But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later."